Today is an important day. After exactly one month, we are ending Extrajudicial Killings Week. (Let that be a lesson to us about making firm time commitments.)
Awards as follows:
To Karl Horberg, for naming the X-Judy, and for submitting a quality death-by-boiling entry from Uzbekistan, we are awarding one Cyrano de Bergerac-style ghostwriting of a letter of his choice. Choose wisely, Karl.
To the Transitionland blogger for her submission on chutzpah-tastic broad daylight killings of human rights activists in Russia, and to the anonymous source of the second Uzbekistan submission, we are awarding one hex apiece, to be used against the enemies of their choice. Again, choose wisely.
To Karolina Castro, who took us on a trip down memory lane to the 1992 Brazilian Carandiru prison massacre, we are awarding the newly-created Lucky Charms skull and crossbones marshmallow. Because that whole thing about playing soccer with the decapitated heads after the Ursa Branco riots was hella morbid. (We’ll get that to you as soon as we convince General Mills that it should be a new addition to our favorite cereal.)
To the anonymous source of the Uganda entry, we are awarding one box of Lucky Charms, because that extortion racket is just nuts. Let us know where to send it.
And finally, to Ryan Briggs, we are awarding an honorable mention for reminding us of a virtuoso extrajudicial killer who is sadly no longer with us: Odai Hussein, son of Saddam Hussein. Unfortunately, Ryan did not nominate any specific killings, so he gets no marshmallows. (A good choice might have been the time Odai killed his father’s valet with an electric carving knife in the middle of a dinner party for Egyptian President Mubarak’s wife. Alright, the hell with it: Ryan, you get two red balloon marshmallows for reminding us of that incident. Extrajudicial killings: they just don’t make ‘em like they used to.)
Finally, the winner of the coveted “X-Judy Award” for the best instance of an extrajudicial killing is…
A tie between Guatemala and Kenya. In the end, we just couldn’t decide. Guatemala’s breadth (murder of foreign diplomats and then, in a clever twist, slaughter of the police officers who confessed to killing them) was matched by Kenya’s depth (a relentless campaign of threats and murder against the activists who were, um, publicizing the existence of that relentless campaign of threats and murder).
Congratulations to the police forces of both countries for exhibiting such excellence in cold-blooded killing. The competition was stiff, but their perseverance and hard work have paid off. We’re thrilled to finally bring them the recognition they deserve.
